Mass Defect is a Machinima created by late Kitty0706, along with Folding Chair. It is the longest video he has ever created. Totaling at a length of 27 minutes and 45 seconds. It follows the adventures of Commander John Shepard from the Mass Effect series.
Mass Defect's story is represented in an episodic manner, with each segment corresponding to the seven days of a week that Shepard and his entourage spend on their captured ship. In October 2015, the video was blocked in the USA for copyright infringement. A unblocked version can be viewed here.
Plot[]
Prologue[]
The video begins with "Kitty0706 and Folding Chair Presents", and a shot of an astronaut in space. Humorously, a subtitle declares the video a "2011 Procution", which is swiftly corrected with an addenndum reading "Shit I meant production". The astronaut is suddenly torn apart by a Heavy Weapons Guy of Team Fortress 2 fame riding a flatulence-powered space bicycle. The dead astronaut's freshly severed arm hovers into view accompanied by the title card, spoofing the box art of Dead Space. Cut to the Heavy propelling himself through space via flatulence and then going through a Mass Relay. The Heavy is promptly launched by a mass relay into the Starship Enterprise and vaporized by its laser cannon. Aboard the ship are Bill Overbeck and his red-clad brother, a vulgar-mouthed palette swap of Bill. Whilst happily smoking, drinking, playing Heavy Rain, slapping his brother about and calling him, quote unquote, "COCK EATER", Bill the Elder's day is disrupted when the Enterprise is suddenly struck and boarded by the SSV Normandy, said boarding party consisting of Commander John Shepard, Jacob Taylor, Liara T'Soni, Garrus Vakarian and Jeff "Joker" Moreau. Shepard toses Bill's brother out of the ship's airlock, causing the latter's death by decompression ("For the greater good- Oooough..."). Shepard attempts to eliminate Bill, having some trouble due to his pistol lacking a thermal clip. With one secured, however, he corners Bill inside a holding cell, terminates him and claims the Enterprise for himself.
Monday[]
Monday begins with Shepard watching "crudely made" Asari pornography in Garry's Mod, only for his pleasure to be interrupted with a Nathan Drake-themed popup and the face of Yes Man from Fallout. The computer then introduces itself as EDI, a self-described "awesome computer-thingy, that does stuff". EDI then informs Shepard of an intruder aboard the ship, (Gordon Freeman of the Half-Life series) causing chaos and attacking crewmembers left and right, Jacob included. Shepard goes to investigate, but being hit by a watermelon sends him into a rage and he handily knocks Freeman down. However, before Shepard can finish him off, Freeman transforms into a soccer ball, which Shepard inadvertantly knocks himself down with, securing Freeman's escape. Later that night, Garrus is sleeping on the job, when EDI attempts to rouse him into enhancing his "character development" and telling the viewers how he contracted pink eye (humorously represented by Garrus' eyes having the pink-checkerboard "missing texture" error reflected in them.) Garrus rebuffs EDI, who informs him that he did not fart on Garrus' pillow, Said culprit was Joker, as seen by EDI who was inhabiting a smartphone at the time. The lights on the ship go dark, and EDI suggests that he and Garrus get intimate, but the scene cuts back to Commander Shepard right before EDI could get down to business. Shepard boots up Amnesia: The Dark Descent, but EDI attempts to discourage him from this, claiming its far too dangerous to play Amnesia at night, even trying to use the laughing Drake GIF again to scare him off before saying so. This fails and Shepard begins having a fun time playing Amnesia up until a Servant Grunt appears, horrifying Shepard to the point he drops his mouse and falls victim to the Grunt. Shepard's ingame death in Amnesia "kills" Shepard, with him laying on his chair lamenting on his ingame death. (complete with the typical Mass Effect "spinning camera" game over effect, appropriate music and a button prompt to reload from a checkpoint). Shephard tries again. The very second he sees another grunt, however, he hits the Escape key to pause and quit. All this achieves, however, is the game refusing to pause complete with the computerized voice of Dennis Nedry from Jurassic Park chastising him with "Ah-ah-ah! You didn't say the magic word!" After one particularly cruel fakeout, Shepard destroys the machine with a garden gnome, and EDI can only mockingly consider him a "retarded fatass."
Tuesday[]
Commander Shepard's alarm clock goes off at 5:00 AM. Shepard's computer activates itself, seemingly infected with a bizarre, Gabe Newell-themed virus complete with edited soundbytes and photoshopped images. Thankfully, Shepard was only dreaming, and Tuesday begins for real. Shepard disposes of his clock, tossing it into a pile of similarly destroyed clocks. EDI offers to patch Shepard through to the Citadel Council, an offer that Shepard rudely refuses with: "The council can kiss my ass!"
Wednesday[]
Wednesday is the longest day in the entire video. Wednesday begins with the opening cutscene from the first Mass Effect game, with Ambassador Donnel Udina considering Commander Shepard. Said opening is interrupted when EDI, in a parody of the opening scene of Link: The Faces of Evil (complete with Udina turning into or being replaced with King Harkinian) informs of them of Commander Furfag's invasion and that only Shepard can stop him. Shepard offers to grab his "stuff" (in other words, Liara, in a manner of speaking), but EDI informs him that his flamethrower is enough. The "furfags" invade, alerting Jacob, who alerts the others. The furfags charge out into a pack, led by head furfag Winnie-the-Pooh, who tries and fails eliminate an unimpressed Jacob. ("You think I even feel that weakass shit?"). Jacob calls for his crew to fall back, but Krystal of Star Fox Adventures fame catches him off guard and robs him. We see Shepard suffering the over-the-top diarrhea pooping too much on the toilet, and then of course being apprised on the current crisis over the phone by a distressed Jacob ("THEY STOLE MY SHIT!"), though Shepard disregards it. Jacob is able to get back at the roving hordes with a customized helicopter, with the skids replaced with two BLU Heavies with freshly loaded Sashas. Jacob mows the entire lot down, but his victory is short lived as another boarding party of furfags invade. This new pack's leader, another Winnie clone, attacks Shepard in the bathroom sending Shepard running out of horror. Shepard escapes to the Enterprise's elevator only to find Liara and Garrus having sex. Crushed and heartbroken that Liara was cheating on him, Shepard's despair is compounded when EDI informs him that "In addition, I lied. You cannot defeat furfags," Shepard lets go of the elevator, leaving himself at the animals' mercy, while a horrified Garrus can only look on helplessly.
Thursday[]
Shepard finds himself thrown into what appears to be a real life recreation of Amnesia. A door attempts to scare him by operating itself only to throw itself off of its hinges. As Shepard explores, the mansion's horrifying imagery takes its toll on him and a BLU Heavy attacks him from behind. The lights shut off, and an Intermission from Mafia plays. The increasingly insane Shepard manages to find a non-functional turbine, with which he could restore his sanity by solving its puzzle. However, as opposed to just operating the switch, Shepard goes for increasingly bizarre methods of puzzle solving, before finding a jar of jam, still full. ("Oh! HERE'S THE JAM!") Sadly, Shepard's glee is brought to a swift end by a contingent of Servant Grunts, one of which twists Shepard's head 180 degress. Shepard can only muster a disappointed "Oww" before dying. The game promptly insults Shepard's inability to play it properly. ("You really fucking suck at this game.")
Some time later, Shepard wakes up in a prison block with Bill's Brother and a rather bizarre man that can emit light from his forehead. Bill's bro manages to escape his holding cell, but is immediately decapitated by the Grunt keeping an eye on the prisoners, his undying body hauled away. Learning from a nearby signboard that a fire outbreak will open the cell doors, Shepard secures a pack of cigarettes, and with the help of the odd light-forehead man, who also has the ability to breathe fire, Shepard tosses the lit pack at a carelessly discarded Winnie the Pooh, causing a fire. The fire alarm rings with such sonic force that it rips itself from its moorings and knocks the Grunt unconscious. Having escaped imprisonment, Shepard continues sneaking about, finding a nicely fire-lit room where two sentient Servant Grunts are having an eloquently done discussion on the current global economic state ("The NASDAQ recently went up one hundred million dollars in points." "That does not compare to the amount of money we have!") Shepard unfortunately bungles his attempted escape with a trip and a swear, and the startled Grunts "get into character" and give chase. Once more, the game insults him. ("Are you fucking serious? Again?") Ultimately, the video itself decides to skip to Friday, with the Amnesia parody having gone on for too long.
Friday[]
Friday starts with a parody of The Sims. The game's current player has Shepard attempt to make pancakes, only to stir too fast, spill the mixture and set himself on fire, killing him in moments. Said game's player happens to be Shepard himself who reloads another save ("I don't even know this guy.") A phone rings from the other side of the Enterprise and Shepard has Liara take his place at the stove. Unfortunately, Liara suffers the same fate as Shepard, who promptly kicks her aside and simply goes to make a cereal that consists of "Jizz" brand washing powder.
Just as Shepard raises the box, the video is paused by a board of directors, one of which is laughing himself silly at the washing powder's brand name. The video is essentially a video project that Elliot is showing to said board. Another suit, who appears to be a near perfect clone of Elliot, strangely enough, has the video continue.
Realizing that they are low on milk, Shepard calls a meeting, loudly informing the crew that they're heading to the Citadel for milk. The meeting ends with the crew (except Jacob sulking in the corner) tearing the meeting room apart, even shooting the current cameraman (who happens to be Ellis from Left 4 Dead 2). The moment the crew arrive at the Citadel, they cause chaos on the roads, killing all in their wake. A team consisting of Shepard, Garrus and Joker arrive at the convenience store, but Garrus is understandably worried given that the cashier is a mentally unstable RED Heavy that kills customers that cannot pay for blatantly mis-scanned items. (One such customer being a BLU Spy) Garrus begins to imagine himself trying to buy the milk only for the Heavy to mis-scan the milk, refuse Garrus' paltry payment and gun down the Normandy crew, before turning the gun on himself. With this in mind, Garrus delegates duties to Shepard, who manages to buy the milk with no trouble at all, leaving Garrus gobsmacked. The BLU Spy also has his donation accepted with no fuss. As they leave, the Heavy turns the gun on himself nonetheless.
The day ends with Shepard pouring milk for his cereal, only for his new carton to be empty as well.
Saturday[]
A drunken Shepard, playing Jet Set Radio demands a sandwich from Liara, forgetting that she had been airlocked a day ago. One game over later and Shepard tosses his controller away, hitting a switch that vaporizes poor Liara in an instant. As Shepard sleeps, the TV representation of Sam Fisher notes that Shepard "forgot to shave this morning" and brings down buzzsaws that tear Shepard's face right off. Thankfully, Eddy of Ed, Edd 'n Eddy fame is on hand to give him a new one. This earns the TV a bullet from Shepard's gun.
At this moment however, a duplicate Normanday invades the real one, and doppelgangers of the current crew invade and harrass their counterparts. Shepard, now awake, confronts their leader, who happens to be none other than his Fem!Shep counterpart, Commander Jane Shepard.
John Shepard handily deals with the duplicate Garrus, and eradicates duplicate Jacob by virtue of Jane Shepard using him as a human shield. A fierce battle begins between John and Jane, the male Shepard with his finger-guns and mind bullets, and the female Shepard with her actual guns and standard clips. When guns fail to settle the score, they resort to a brutal hand-to-hand battle with many bones broken (though their unexpected transformation into Mortal Kombat X-Ray footage goes unnoticed) but even this stage of battle doesn't end, and the two promptly transform into Heavies, with Jane as the RED and John as the BLU. Jane's attempt at "Pow! Haha!"-ing John fails as he catches her invisible round and throws it back at her, killing her in seconds. ("It's the end of the line.")
The video immediately declares this "The End... of Saturday."
Sunday[]
Playing Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, Shepard's gameplay is interrupted by Jacob asking where the "Party is at", starting said party up.
The video loses all sense of sensibility by this point with what appears to be a grey-scale Spunky the Imp image edit and others serenading the audience with "Motivational Speaker" by Cut Chemist, along with an animated parody of Heavy Rain's Norman Jayden attempting to get a meeting with Paco and being refused by the club's bouncer.
Back to "reality" (so to speak), the Normandy (With its duplicate still impaled in its side) is once more boarded, this time by Joe Barbaro and Vito Scaletta of Mafia II fame. The two Italian-American hoodlums slaughter Jacob and Garrus in barely half a minute, with Jacob spiraling into Pac-Man-esque nothing and Garrus blue-screening and dying to the tune of the Windows XP shutdown jingle, a Portal turret's death lament ("Shutting down") and the 1985 Super Mario Bros. death jingle.
With the memories of his crew and the eventful week they shared flashing before his eyes, a vengeful Shepard gives chase after Joe and Vito along a busy highway. Cars are crushed and bullets are fired, and Shepard even hitches a ride with a drunken Roman Bellic, which ends when Joe destroys both Roman and his car with a handily placed rocket launcher. Not even this stops Shepard, having now hitched a bike ride with Portal's Chell. At last, Shepard throws Chell's body into Joe and Vito's car seemingly killing both of them. Shepard gives one last disdainful glare to their wrecked ride as Joker comes down with the Normandy to pick Shepard up.
Unfortunately, in a similar to vein to Dead Rising's Ending A, tragedy strikes. Joe Barbaro survived the chase and escaped. Having returned to the Normandy, Joe attacks Joker and sends the Normandy spiraling. Its frontal cannon fires, and Shepard is killed in an instant.
With the tune of "Put Your Head On My Shoulder" by Paul Anka softly playing in the background, Joker can only watch despairingly and helplessly as Shepard's corpse floats by planet Earth in a sickening parody of Mass Effect 2's intro...
As the video ends, the board of directors, led by a second Elliot having watched the video against all sensibility, consider it "Okay", much to the first Elliot's surprise. Elliot 1 surprises them by pointing out that the video has been uploaded already and that viewers are watching it as they speak. The confused directors leave, with Elliot deciding to watch the last of the credits on his own.
The final scene is of Joker and Wheatley from Portal 2, having secured a box labelled "Sheppy", obviously being Shepard's remains, secured for the possible purpose of resurrection on Cerberus' orders. Unfortunately, the sequel will never happen, because Kitty0706 has died back in 2015.
Trivia[]
- The "furfags" that invade the Enterprise are Krystal from the Star Fox series, Sally Acorn from the Sonic the Hedgehog comics, Wolf Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, and Winnie-the-Pooh.
- Folding Chair is one of Kitty0706's best friends, and Kitty had stated in the credits of the video that he wouldn't have been able to create the video without him.
- Goof: Stock footage of the X-ray attacks from Mortal Kombat can be clearly seen during the close up shots of the fight between Shepard and FemShep.